just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
