I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
