i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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