tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
