Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
