omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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