i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
