i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
