chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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