Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My bed smells like the plague
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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