I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Randomize
