I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
