You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
