So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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