You surviving the open bar?
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and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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