i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
