Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
