you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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