Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
