Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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