someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
