Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
