Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
