I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
