hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
