After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
