I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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