While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
