I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
