i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
