This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
