Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
