So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
