her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
