Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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