Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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