she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
