i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
