You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
