All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
someone threw a dead crab at me
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
