You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
