farters have to be the big spoon...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Can I color on your dick again?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
