i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
