pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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