It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
