So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
