I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
