You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
