you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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