that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im having a threesome with these popsicles
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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